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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Reported
Alien
Aliens
Break
Since
Getting
Tell
Years
Hillbilly

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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
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