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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Break
Since
Getting
Tell
Years
Hillbilly
Reported
Alien
Aliens
More quotes by Dana Gould
I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
Dana Gould
We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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