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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Getting
Tell
Years
Hillbilly
Reported
Alien
Aliens
Break
Since

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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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