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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Human
Sky
Humans
Later
Looked
Moon
Created
Dreamt
Beings
Coincidence
Marriage
Traveling
Century
Centuries
More quotes by Dana Gould
Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
Dana Gould
I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
Dana Gould