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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Marriage
Traveling
Century
Centuries
Human
Sky
Humans
Later
Looked
Moon
Created
Dreamt
Beings
Coincidence

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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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