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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Humans
Later
Looked
Moon
Created
Dreamt
Beings
Coincidence
Marriage
Traveling
Century
Centuries
Human
Sky

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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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