Quote

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Dana Gould

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Always
Park
Bags
Parks
Leaving
Dog
Meet
Bigs
Poop
Women
Forgot

More quotes by Dana Gould

Image
I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
Dana Gould
Image
If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
Dana Gould
Image
Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
Dana Gould
Image
A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
Dana Gould
Image
I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
Dana Gould
Image
Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
Dana Gould
Image
I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
Dana Gould
Image
Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
Dana Gould
Image
Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
Dana Gould
Image
A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
Dana Gould
Image
I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
Dana Gould
Image
Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
Dana Gould
Image
If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
Dana Gould
Image
Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
Dana Gould
Image
What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
Dana Gould
Image
My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
Dana Gould
Image
The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
Dana Gould
Image
My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
Dana Gould
Image
If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
Dana Gould
Image
If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
Dana Gould