Quote

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Dog
Meet
Poop
Bigs
Forgot
Women
Park
Always
Bags
Parks
Leaving

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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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