Quote

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Dog
Meet
Bigs
Poop
Women
Forgot
Always
Park
Bags
Parks
Leaving

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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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