Quote

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Dog
Meet
Bigs
Poop
Women
Forgot
Always
Park
Bags
Parks
Leaving

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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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