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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
People
Wear
Guys
Grow
Grows
Bald
Guy
Sweat
Running
Pants
Reason
Track
Always
Shoes
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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