Quote

Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?

Dana Gould

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Guys
Grow
Grows
Bald
Guy
Sweat
Running
Pants
Reason
Track
Always
Shoes
People
Wear

More quotes by Dana Gould

Image
Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
Dana Gould
Image
Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
Dana Gould
Image
The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
Dana Gould
Image
They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
Dana Gould
Image
The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
Dana Gould
Image
Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
Dana Gould
Image
The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
Dana Gould
Image
Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
Dana Gould
Image
Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
Dana Gould
Image
Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
Dana Gould
Image
I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
Dana Gould
Image
That which does not kill you isn't finished.
Dana Gould
Image
Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
Dana Gould
Image
I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
Dana Gould
Image
As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
Dana Gould
Image
The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
Dana Gould
Image
I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
Dana Gould
Image
I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
Dana Gould
Image
Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
Dana Gould
Image
I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
Dana Gould