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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Guys
Grow
Grows
Bald
Guy
Sweat
Running
Pants
Reason
Track
Always
Shoes
People
Wear

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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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