Quote

Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?

Dana Gould

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Running
Pants
Reason
Track
Always
Shoes
People
Wear
Guys
Grow
Grows
Bald
Guy
Sweat

More quotes by Dana Gould

Image
Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
Dana Gould
Image
My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
Dana Gould
Image
Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
Dana Gould
Image
The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
Dana Gould
Image
Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
Dana Gould
Image
Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
Dana Gould
Image
Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
Dana Gould
Image
There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
Dana Gould
Image
A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
Dana Gould
Image
If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
Dana Gould
Image
Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
Dana Gould
Image
Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
Dana Gould
Image
If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
Dana Gould
Image
If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
Dana Gould
Image
Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
Dana Gould
Image
Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
Dana Gould
Image
Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
Dana Gould
Image
The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
Dana Gould
Image
This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
Dana Gould
Image
Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Dana Gould