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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Satisfies
Eggs
Glass
Glasses
Cold
Nothing
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
Dana Gould