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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Laughing
Possible
Anything
Believe
Counsellor
Counsellors
Stifling
Guidance
Laugh

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
Dana Gould
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
Dana Gould