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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Possible
Anything
Believe
Counsellor
Counsellors
Stifling
Guidance
Laugh
Laughing

More quotes by Dana Gould

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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
Dana Gould
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
Dana Gould