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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Stifling
Guidance
Laugh
Laughing
Possible
Anything
Believe
Counsellor
Counsellors

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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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