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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Counsellors
Stifling
Guidance
Laugh
Laughing
Possible
Anything
Believe
Counsellor

More quotes by Dana Gould

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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
Dana Gould