Quote

Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Time
Horrible
Poetry
Loved
Since
Thought
Also
Pooped
Everything
Primitive
Humans
Dawn

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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
Dana Gould