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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
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Racial
Horses
Purity
Klux
Ghost
Klan
Advertising
Classified
Horse
Dressings
Tired
Dressing
Games
Ads
More quotes by Dana Gould
The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
Dana Gould
Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
Dana Gould
We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
Dana Gould
Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
Dana Gould