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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Purity
Klux
Ghost
Klan
Advertising
Classified
Horse
Dressings
Tired
Dressing
Games
Ads
Like
Racial
Horses
More quotes by Dana Gould
One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
Dana Gould
It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
Dana Gould
I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
Dana Gould
If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
Dana Gould
What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
Dana Gould
Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Dana Gould
Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
Dana Gould
Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
Dana Gould
The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
Dana Gould
Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
Dana Gould
Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
Dana Gould