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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Horses
Purity
Klux
Ghost
Klan
Advertising
Classified
Horse
Dressings
Tired
Dressing
Games
Ads
Like
Racial
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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