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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Hell
Heaven
Place
Cat
Dog

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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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