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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Heaven
Place
Cat
Dog
Hell

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
Dana Gould
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
Dana Gould
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
Dana Gould
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
Dana Gould
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
Dana Gould
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
Dana Gould
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
Dana Gould
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
Dana Gould
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
Dana Gould
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
Dana Gould
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
Dana Gould
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I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
Dana Gould
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
Dana Gould
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
Dana Gould
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Dana Gould
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
Dana Gould
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
Dana Gould
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
Dana Gould
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
Dana Gould
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
Dana Gould