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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Heaven
Place
Cat
Dog
Hell

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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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