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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Ends
Chick
Best
Eyed
Men
Chicks
Dating
Blind
Land
Probably
Looking

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
Dana Gould
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
Dana Gould
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
Dana Gould
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
Dana Gould
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
Dana Gould
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
Dana Gould
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
Dana Gould
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
Dana Gould
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
Dana Gould