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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Men
Chicks
Dating
Blind
Land
Probably
Looking
Ends
Chick
Best
Eyed
More quotes by Dana Gould
My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
Dana Gould
Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
Dana Gould
It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
Dana Gould
You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
Dana Gould
Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
Dana Gould
The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
Dana Gould
I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
Dana Gould
If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
Dana Gould
Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
Dana Gould
If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
Dana Gould
Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
Dana Gould
If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
Dana Gould
If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
Dana Gould
If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
Dana Gould
A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
Dana Gould
Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
Dana Gould
Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
Dana Gould
Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
Dana Gould
To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
Dana Gould
One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
Dana Gould
