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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Land
Probably
Looking
Ends
Chick
Best
Eyed
Men
Chicks
Dating
Blind

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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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