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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Looking
Ends
Chick
Best
Eyed
Men
Chicks
Dating
Blind
Land
Probably

More quotes by Dana Gould

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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
Dana Gould
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
Dana Gould
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
Dana Gould
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
Dana Gould
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
Dana Gould
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
Dana Gould
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
Dana Gould
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
Dana Gould
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
Dana Gould
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
Dana Gould
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
Dana Gould
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
Dana Gould