Quote

My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Secret
Looking
Chop
Soul
Pork
Keeps
Dog
Wants
Alone

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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Dana Gould