Quote

My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Looking
Soul
Chop
Pork
Keeps
Dog
Wants
Alone
Secret

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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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