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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Like
Boner
Boners
Clown
Remind
Nightmare
Nothing

More quotes by Dana Gould

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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
Dana Gould
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
Dana Gould