Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
Dana Gould
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Bachelor
Heterosexual
Bachelors
Sanctity
Holiness
Destroyed
Marriage
Going
Cancel
More quotes by Dana Gould
Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
Dana Gould
What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
Dana Gould
If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
Dana Gould
If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
Dana Gould
For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
Dana Gould
I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
Dana Gould
I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
Dana Gould
I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
Dana Gould
I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
Dana Gould
The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
Dana Gould
Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
Dana Gould
Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
Dana Gould
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
Dana Gould
This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
Dana Gould
People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
Dana Gould
Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
Dana Gould
When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
Dana Gould
You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
Dana Gould
I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
Dana Gould
Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
Dana Gould