Quote

The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Harder
Walk
Walks
Running
Mugger
Tell
Muggers
Away
Jogging
Around
Sweat
Women
Pants

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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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