Quote

The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Women
Pants
Harder
Walk
Walks
Running
Mugger
Tell
Muggers
Away
Jogging
Around
Sweat

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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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