Quote

The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Women
Pants
Harder
Walk
Walks
Running
Mugger
Tell
Muggers
Away
Jogging
Around
Sweat

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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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