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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Walk
Walks
Running
Mugger
Tell
Muggers
Away
Jogging
Around
Sweat
Women
Pants
Harder
More quotes by Dana Gould
Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
Dana Gould
Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
Dana Gould
They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
Dana Gould
Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
Dana Gould
The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
Dana Gould
If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
Dana Gould
Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
Dana Gould
How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
Dana Gould
Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
Dana Gould
Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
Dana Gould
Competition is the death of art.
Dana Gould
Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
Dana Gould
For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
Dana Gould
Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
Dana Gould
It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
Dana Gould
Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
Dana Gould
To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
Dana Gould