Quote

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.

Dana Gould

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Opens
Sounds
Door
Window
Doors
Sound
Closes
Like
Toilet
Toilets

More quotes by Dana Gould

Image
Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Dana Gould
Image
Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
Dana Gould
Image
The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
Dana Gould
Image
Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
Dana Gould
Image
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
Dana Gould
Image
If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
Dana Gould
Image
My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
Dana Gould
Image
Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
Dana Gould
Image
For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
Dana Gould
Image
I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
Dana Gould
Image
Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
Dana Gould
Image
Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
Dana Gould
Image
Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
Dana Gould
Image
I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
Dana Gould
Image
Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
Dana Gould
Image
That which does not kill you isn't finished.
Dana Gould
Image
Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
Dana Gould
Image
When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
Dana Gould
Image
Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
Dana Gould
Image
I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
Dana Gould