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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Hate
Kids
Someone
Give
Giving

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
Dana Gould
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
Dana Gould
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
Dana Gould
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
Dana Gould
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
Dana Gould
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
Dana Gould
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
Dana Gould
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
Dana Gould
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
Dana Gould
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
Dana Gould
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
Dana Gould
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
Dana Gould
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
Dana Gould
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
Dana Gould
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
Dana Gould
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
Dana Gould
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
Dana Gould
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
Dana Gould
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
Dana Gould
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
Dana Gould