Quote

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Came
Look
Looks
Reindeer
Really
Poop
Make
Santa
Like
Roof
Pants
Cold

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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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