Quote

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Like
Roof
Pants
Cold
Came
Look
Looks
Reindeer
Really
Poop
Make
Santa

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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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