Quote

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Look
Looks
Reindeer
Really
Poop
Make
Santa
Like
Roof
Pants
Cold
Came

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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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