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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Feed
Celebrate
Findings
Finding
Home
May
Thanksgiving
Every
Homeless
People
Join

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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
Dana Gould
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
Dana Gould
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
Dana Gould