Quote

Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Feed
Celebrate
Findings
Finding
Home
May
Thanksgiving
Every
Homeless
People
Join

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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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Competition is the death of art.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
Dana Gould