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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
People
Join
Feed
Celebrate
Findings
Finding
Home
May
Thanksgiving
Every
Homeless

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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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Competition is the death of art.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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