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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Celebrate
Findings
Finding
Home
May
Thanksgiving
Every
Homeless
People
Join
Feed
More quotes by Dana Gould
I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
Dana Gould
Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
Dana Gould
If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
Dana Gould
If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
Dana Gould
The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
Dana Gould
How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
Dana Gould