Quote

How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Pillow
Behinds
Behind
Information
Stop
Giggling
Asks
Shrink
Everything
Shrinks
Much
Responding

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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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