Quote

How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Behinds
Behind
Information
Stop
Giggling
Asks
Shrink
Everything
Shrinks
Much
Responding
Pillow

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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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