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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Everything
Shrinks
Much
Responding
Pillow
Behinds
Behind
Information
Stop
Giggling
Asks
Shrink
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
Dana Gould
The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
Dana Gould
