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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Kids
Reform
Care
Bills
Scary
Costume
Aren
Halloween
Health
Costumes
Parent
Dressed
Belief
Beliefs
Hate
Bill

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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
Dana Gould
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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