Quote

The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Inability
Invented
Instant
Wait
Moved
Waiting
Action
Men
Pudding

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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
Dana Gould
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
Dana Gould
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
Dana Gould