Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
Dana Gould
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Sheets
Ghost
Wear
Dies
Klux
Two
Klan
Back
Rally
Come
Attending
People
Ghosts
More quotes by Dana Gould
Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
Dana Gould
Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
Dana Gould
To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
Dana Gould
Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
Dana Gould
Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
Dana Gould
Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
Dana Gould
My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
Dana Gould
Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
Dana Gould
What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
Dana Gould
They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
Dana Gould
The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
Dana Gould
The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
Dana Gould
What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
Dana Gould
This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
Dana Gould
Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
Dana Gould
The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
Dana Gould
Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
Dana Gould
If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
Dana Gould
Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
Dana Gould
Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
Dana Gould