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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Back
Rally
Come
Attending
People
Ghosts
Sheets
Ghost
Wear
Dies
Klux
Two
Klan
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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