Quote

I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Stills
Teams
School
Ladies
Doe
Named
Still
Coach
Play
Coaches
Feel
Sorry
Feels
Team
Cougars
Like
High
Horny

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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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