Quote

I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Feel
Sorry
Feels
Team
Cougars
Like
High
Horny
Stills
Teams
School
Ladies
Doe
Named
Still
Coach
Play
Coaches

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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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Competition is the death of art.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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