Quote

I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Still
Coach
Play
Coaches
Feel
Sorry
Feels
Team
Cougars
Like
High
Horny
Stills
Teams
School
Ladies
Doe
Named

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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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