Quote

One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.

Dana Gould

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Used
Time
Like
Primarily
Invent
Machine
Machines
Internet

More quotes by Dana Gould

Image
Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
Dana Gould
Image
Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
Dana Gould
Image
If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
Dana Gould
Image
Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
Dana Gould
Image
The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
Dana Gould
Image
I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
Dana Gould
Image
I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
Dana Gould
Image
Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
Dana Gould
Image
My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
Dana Gould
Image
The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
Dana Gould
Image
Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
Dana Gould
Image
Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
Dana Gould
Image
If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
Dana Gould
Image
Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
Dana Gould
Image
I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
Dana Gould
Image
Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
Dana Gould
Image
In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
Dana Gould
Image
They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
Dana Gould
Image
Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
Dana Gould
Image
If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
Dana Gould