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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Morning
Sweetheart
Trends
Mom
Late

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
Dana Gould
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
Dana Gould
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
Dana Gould
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
Dana Gould
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Dana Gould
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
Dana Gould
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
Dana Gould
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
Dana Gould
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
Dana Gould
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
Dana Gould
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
Dana Gould
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
Dana Gould
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
Dana Gould
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
Dana Gould
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
Dana Gould
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
Dana Gould
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
Dana Gould
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
Dana Gould
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
Dana Gould
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
Dana Gould