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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Late
Morning
Sweetheart
Trends
Mom

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Dana Gould
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
Dana Gould
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
Dana Gould
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
Dana Gould
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
Dana Gould
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
Dana Gould
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
Dana Gould
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
Dana Gould
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
Dana Gould
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
Dana Gould
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
Dana Gould
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
Dana Gould
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
Dana Gould
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
Dana Gould
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
Dana Gould
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
Dana Gould
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
Dana Gould
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
Dana Gould
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
Dana Gould
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
Dana Gould