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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Late
Morning
Sweetheart
Trends
Mom

More quotes by Dana Gould

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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
Dana Gould
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
Dana Gould
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
Dana Gould
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
Dana Gould
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I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
Dana Gould
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
Dana Gould
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
Dana Gould
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
Dana Gould
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
Dana Gould
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
Dana Gould
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
Dana Gould
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
Dana Gould
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
Dana Gould
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
Dana Gould
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
Dana Gould
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
Dana Gould
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
Dana Gould
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
Dana Gould
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
Dana Gould
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
Dana Gould