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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Went
Wonderful
Waiting
High
Experience
School
People
Entire
Leave

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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
Dana Gould
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Competition is the death of art.
Dana Gould
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
Dana Gould